That’s the sound of me drumming my fingers on this keyboard. Yes. I need serious psychological help. Not really, but maybe. Yesterday I thought of giving up writing. I wanted to be free … my mind that is. Its’ just too much, all this THINKING. Ahhhhhhhhh! Can’t take it anymore.

Okay. I’m better now. No, not really.

THIS STINKS!

I walked into the room with my notebook, fresh copies of revised manuscripts and the book, Anne of Green Gables…just in case I had nobody to talk to, there’d be something to read. Round tables of eight dotted the room, with writers and illustrators and even some students trying to get their one extra BSU credit; sitting here and there at different tables.

They looked as scared as I probably looked because afterall we are all strangers, passionately attempting to live out the same dream … to be published book writers or illustrators. But there was a slight air of competition as well … not pungent, just kind of lingering and it was a good, healthy thing. I thought anyway.

I sat at the front and realized after a few minutes that I was sitting at the “speaker’s table.” Embarrassing. I made an attempt to move but was assured that it was perfectly fine.

Here are some notes:

-Dont’ be afriad to revise. Once you get past the pain, it’ll be worth it.
-Write the same kind of book.
-Read your work outloud. You will pick up echoes and will hear it better inside your head.
-Got to have a hook! We only have the first two paragraphs to keep children’s…or even editors, interest.
-Weave the backstory in the beginning.
-No repetitive patterns in dialouge. For example, stacking of “I’s” all on the same side of the page.

Finally, the speaker Matthew Kirby quoted, and I paraphrase, “Make life as hard as possible for your characters”…and that will get the pages turning. He said to write our stories to satisfy questions that will make our readers want to make meaning out of them. Something our brains do automatically.

Through out the day I solicited advise from Sarah Tregay and Kate Kae Myers, debut authors who had their books just come out this past February. I told them my story about Grosset and Dunlap etc. and they all encouraged me to get an agent. They were very sweet.

So I tried to email a few agents to see what would happen.

Yesterday I got a return email from Alison Picard Literary Agency. She was willing to review a few chapters of my manuscript and the entire picture book text. I was so nervous that I had to take a walk around my neighborhood. We had record heat at 91 degrees and it was a beautiful day. This morning she REJECTED IT. Sadly.

But a sweet sounding agent, Ashley Grayson, also emailed me and requested to hear the details about which publishers were interested in my manuscripts and to review them. I still haven’t heard anything.

It was a good conference. Happy that I went!

Today I checked my postbox and guess what? Things have been quiet. I haven’t received one rejection letter or response since the last several times I’ve written to all of you.

That’s good. Right?

Last week I decided to find out what some of the responses I have received, mean. Or how to decifer them. So I went on the Discussion Board of the SCBWI site and found some helpful hints on writing and sending manuscripts out to publishers.

Okay. The fact that things are quiet right now is good. They say that means it’s possible that the editors are seriously considering the manuscript. They say that it’s easy to kick out a rejection letter. So the longer we don’t hear back … the better.

What about exclusive submissions? I sent both manuscripts out as rewrites and exclusively. SCBWI says that no editor expects any manuscript to be exclusive unless they request it themselves. Typically, if we do sent an exclusive, it’s usually a 30 day deadline on the exclusive.

That means if we don’t hear back, we can send it to other editors but need to act professionally if that original editor does come back with an offer of some type.

Does this make sense at all?

Anyhow, I learned a bunch of other stuff too. But my hubby walked in for dinner. I’ll share more on the next post.

Today the sunshine changes from light to dark every few minutes. Clouds keep getting in the way. Heavy and should I use the word, foreboding? Some of the clouds are thin, wispy strands of nothing. Once again the outside weather reflects my mood.

I have two rewrites out there, to two different publishers. One is for FlowerMiss and the other for a picture book, “Once Upon A Hobo.” The editors gave me small feedback but nonetheless, it WAS feedback so I made thier suggested changes and resubmitted.

One minute my intuition says, “they’re reading and considering the story, perhaps it is in acquisitions and many editors are discussing the possibility.” Then a minute later, just like the changing sunlight … it’s dark, they don’t want it. It’s coming back home, still unwanted. My poor little manuscripts!

But let’s be real. All of this speculation is just lots of nothing. It’s like my dad always says, “It IS, what it IS.”

So this is what I’ll do: throw out into the wind a handful of good vibes, that yes indeed, I WILL SELL MY STORY! IT WILL HAPPEN!

Come on everybody, keep saying it for me, with me. Because we all know that if you believe it, then you can live it.

Go on all you beautiful words, fly through the wind and sky … breeze toward Massachusetts; land on the desks of those editors.

MAKE THEM BELIEVE TOO.

On Saturday, March 31st my friend Monte passed away. He was an honorary grandfather to my son, and my friend Tammy’s dad, Shirley’s husband; a good man.

He wrote a poem that descibes how Shirley, Tammy, Rick and all of us feel today. The poem is called:

RAINDROPS AND TEARDROPS, by Monte Shockman

Those raindrops and teardrops that fall to the ground
Each tell their story and make different sounds
Rain can fall softly to water the earth
Like tears of joy over a mother’s new birth
But rain can fall heavily in a flood from above
As tears that are shed over the loss of one loved
Raindrops bring flowers of varying hues
A raindrop or teardrop may both look the same
But one is sweet and one is bitter in life’s hard refrian
Together we walked in soft summer raindrops
Never thought we be shedding any sad teardrops
Riding on dreams under a bright shining rainbow
Despite some tears, love never lost its glow
But now my cup’s filled from a barrel of tears
Over the loss of my darling (friend) of so many years.

We will miss you Monte.

Today the sun is shining after a wave of stormy days. But I have an envelope sitting on my desk from Grosset & Dunlap. And I’ll be honest, it’s likely not good news.

My revisions arrived on March 10th and this envelope is postdated March 16th. So for 6 days they have been considering my FlowerMiss story. If it were good news, they would’ve called. So the contents of this envelope is either a flat out rejection (I have a feeling), or more revisions. Would you like to take the ride with me?

So here we go … let’s open this possible rejection together. READY? Okay, I’m going to open the envelope, … (BRACE YOURSELF NESS) …

I see the letter. It’s long. There’s a lot of print on it. I’m going to read it now…

Okay, in a nutshell … this is what they said: Perhaps I could narrow the story down to two characters instead of four, that way there would be more time to focus on developing an emotional connection to my characters. They think my descriptions are beautiful, but still unsure about the storyline as well. They encourage me to send it out to other publishing houses. But they are not interested in it.

…I just had to spend a minute to gather myself together. I’m not crying, but I want to. This is the thing: I JUST GOT HUGE PERSONAL FEEDBACK FROM PENGUIN! That alone is a big deal. Okay, I got rejected but I’m moving forward. Her comments are valid. I just need to spend more time developing this story, but I’m close. I’m almost there.

Whew! Well, I’m going to live. Thanks for taking the ride with me. There will be plenty more coming.

My words are tired. I probably need to take a break from writing. Before I do that, here’s an update on my most recent rejections:

I’m happy to report that Macmillan Children’s Publishing Group gave me a nice rejection. A division named Feiwel & Friends said that they reviewed Barefoot on the Sidewalk and “although we thought this had potential to be a moving story … we weren’t drawn to Abby as a character.” They only reviewed the first 5 pages because that’s all I sent to them. But I appreciated their comments and did some revisions based on them.

Boyds Mill Press sent me that dreaded form-slip piece of paper, addressed to “author.” Ahhhhh! But it’s okay. I hadn’t had one of those in a while. I’m okay. Really.

That’s all I’ve got for now. But they’re coming …